I wish I had known ...

This has been a tough week. I had a training I had to attend and didn't take K to it which meant she stayed home with Mike and I traveled back and forth to make sure she was fed. A couple of times, I was really late getting home so K had been very upset for a very long time. I always feel bad when she's hungry and she's not able to eat.

She enjoys staying up until at the earliest, 11 pm. Normally, however, she'll go to sleep around 1:30 am. The times that she's up and is hungry actually coincides with the times where I would feel her kicking inside me the most. I was wondering if this would be the case and I love that it is. Her awake times aren't too bad for me.

She's also pretty good about going to sleep right after night feedings. I was really worried that she'd want to just stay awake after she ate at night because we try to keep her awake during the day after feedings but she has been doing fairly well.

I realize that there are people out there who want to spend time with K. I mean, she's one of the most adorable babies out there so I don't know why someone wouldn't want to hold her. But it's really tough on me because I have been made to feel guilty about trying to keep people away these past couple of weeks. We've allowed Mike's siblings to see her because it's there first time, and probably only time for quite a while, but other than that, I've just needed and really wanted to rest without visitors.

I don't think many people actually realize that when people come over, it's very stressful to me. Having a clean house is important to me so I will try to do the dishes and clean before people come over. Since having K, this is something I've struggled with most. Quite often lately, I will go to bed with items left on the table, the bathroom unclean, and blankets and toys scattered all over the living room. This was never normal for me before K.

Not only do I try to clean the place up, but I have to try to adjust K's feeding schedule to when people come over (usually doesn't work), I try to make sure K's presentable, and hardest of all, I try to make myself look presentable. This process takes hours. I realize that none of this is necessary, but it's just how I am.

If I could do things over again, I would have never allowed people to come over the first week or two of K's life. I thought I had to allow people to come over and that it was good to let people come over to see her and then I could take a break. Well, I was completely wrong. The first week which was so critical to my sanity and well being was full of people and I never really got the opportunity to bond with K. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed the fact that family and friends were able to see K and hold her, but because of all the visitors, I never got a chance to just sit and hold K without crying from exhaustion.

So to those who are having babies soon, I would suggest really thinking about how many people you want to come over at first. The first couple of weeks, for me, were so important to learn how to live with a baby - to figure out a schedule, to learn how to feed K, and to learn how to sleep. I really wish I would have known this before because I am just barely learning these things. Each day gets better though. I'm glad I've finally been able to have some bonding time with K.

Sleeping

Two nights ago, Katie slept for quite a while so I got 4 hours of sleep in. It felt good. She made up for lots of sleeping last night though. She ended up not going to sleep until about 4 am which meant that I got to take care of her because she wanted to eat, then she wanted to be held, then she felt yucky so she kicked so I'd put her down, and then she wanted her pacifier, then she didn't want her pacifier, then she did, then she didn't, then she was hungry, then she wanted to be held ... this started around 6 pm and didn't stop until 4 am.

I wish back before getting pregnant, I would have enjoyed sleeping a little more. I hope at some point I'll actually get a full night of sleep again.

Sympathy

Last night, I cut Mike's hair. This was my first ever attempt and I was feeling pretty stressed because Mike has always been pretty particular about who touches his hair. After the last girl who cut his hair, however, he decided he never wanted to pay to get his hair cut again. This girl butchered his hair pretty good. He came home with one side longer than the other, one side boxy and one side rounded, and stray, long hairs all over the place.

However, last night, K was very fussy. She was hungry and wanted to be held during the entire time I was trying to cut his hair which only made me more stressed. I really just wanted to go to bed. Around midnight, I couldn't stand her crying and fussiness anymore so she had to lie in her crib until I was done with Mike's hair. She screamed and screamed and just as I was about to walk into her room, all of the screaming stopped. I rushed to her crib side to make sure she was alright and she was lying there whimpering with tears flowing down her cheeks. I had never seen anything so sad in my entire life.

I picked her up and held her and for the first time, I cried not because I felt stressed because she was crying, but because I felt so bad that she was crying. It was just the saddest sight I had ever seen.

17 days old

Little K is 17 days old. Crazy. I love that we can still count days for how old she is. She's so precious and pure and perfect and I love it.

After K eats, she curls up into a little ball, wanting to go to sleep. As I hold her and look down at her, I still can't believe that she fit in my belly. I called Mike in a few nights ago to look at her and my belly as I tried to figure out how she even fit in there.

Life is finally becoming a little more normal. I really wanted to take this week out for myself without visitors, without disruptions to my bonding with little K and it was great. Yesterday, I stopped answering the phone (mostly because it only rang while I was asleep), I only looked at my email a few times to see if my friend had gotten the job she had interviewed for on Thursday, and I only responded to Mike's chats. It felt good. I really felt like I haven't really been able to bond with K much because I've felt stressed and worn out and there have been a lot of visitors who have never seen her before. This past week has been really good for K and I. And I'm definitely looking forward to spending more time with her.

Forgotten Children?

I don't like Dr. Laura. I have my reasons but we won't get into those. I saw her blog linked to a friend's and decided to read it which is where I found this article. For once, Dr. Laura, I completely agree with you.

Genes/Jeans

I am so grateful for my good genes. I have amazingly enough lost 20 pounds (15 in the first week after K's birth) and my back appreciates it a lot. So do my hips and feet. It's amazing to look down and see my feet without having to peer over my belly.

And I'm grateful my pre-pregnancy jeans fit. I wore a pair for the first time five days after K's birth and they buttoned! That hasn't happened since December and it was so nice. I no longer have to make a joke out of the fact that my pants are not buttoned.

One day at work, my coworker brought his girlfriend (now fiancee!) and she commented on how she liked my pants. I, all too willingly, told her that they are even better when the top buttons aren't fastened. She laughed ... probably out of a bit of awkwardness ... but the sad truth is that it was true and something I had dealt with for way too long. But not anymore! All of my pants' top buttons fasten and wow, it's so great.

Strength

First of all, K's neck is getting so strong! When I try to lay her on my chest to calm her and she doesn't want to be calm, she will hold her head up and try to push her body away from me. She is so curious about everything and I love it now ... I'm just not looking forward to when she's mobile. We're going to have to start putting absolutely everything onto shelves to keep her out of stuff, I'm sure.

So when I started this blog, I decided that I would try to be as truthful as possible. I've read other baby blogs and they're brutally honest ... but then again, their identity is usually unknown which makes this blog difficult to write on because I know those who are reading this blog and they know me. So with that said, I'm going to write the following. This doesn't mean I want phone calls and offers to come over and hold the baby because that's not the root of the problem. I'm just going to vent.

So what's the problem? Her fussy period that happens every day in the afternoon and breastfeeding. That's the problem. I, like many other mothers, worry that she's not getting enough to eat. And it's so hard to tell when the afternoon hits and nothing makes her happy. She acts hungry but won't eat. She acts sleepy but won't fall asleep. She just cries. Apparently most babies have these times and I'm very grateful that she cries in the afternoon instead of the evening, but it's hard to deal with. By the time Mike gets home from work or is done sitting at the computer in the living room, I'm so exhausted. I realize there's not much I can do about her crying but to just let her cry, but it's hard. I just want her to stop crying and to make everything better.

My solution to this problem? Strength from Heavenly Father. I honestly don't know how people do this without knowledge of this great plan and why we're here. Without knowing that a reason why I'm here is to bring more children to this earth so they can be tested and live out His plan, I would feel like having children is not worth it. It's stressful and costs a lot of money.

In fact, yesterday we received our hospital bills ... talk about charging for everything ... I'm pretty sure they charged me for every breath I took in that hospital room.

But I had no idea that having a child would be this hard. I think the lack of good sleep is taking its toll. It's nice of those who are more than willing to take care of our little cutie, but at some point, I'm going to have to feed her and that's hard.

But I'm doing fine. Again, please don't think I want pity. I realize there's a lot of people out there who are willing to help us, and I'm grateful for that, but as for now, I'm dealing just fine. It's been nice the past couple of days to just be able to relax at home with my little family.

I'm so grateful for Mike. He is truly an amazing husband and I'm so lucky to have him. I'm also grateful for the knowledge that I have and for the gospel. Making it through these tough days would be so much harder without having what I have.

2 Week Appointment

I slept through my alarm again this morning. I've probably slept through it for the past week now which is something I rarely ever did before K. I've been setting my alarm at night to make sure I feed K since she's had jaundice and has slept a little more than normal. Plus with jaundice, I need to make sure that she's intaking enough food because lack of food/milk can make her jaundice worse. But the problem is that I've been sleeping through my alarm and only wake up to her crying ... which is good I still wake up to something.

And this morning was no exception. My alarm went off a little earlier than usual since she had a doctor's appointment this morning and I needed to make sure she was fed and ready by 9:15 am to make it to the doctor's by 9:20 am. But I slept through my alarm and woke up to her crying 30 minutes later than my alarm.

We arrived to the doctor's on time amazingly enough and found out that she's 7 lbs 7 oz and 21 inches long which means she has regained all of her birth weight plus 2 ounces and has grown one inch.

We are so happy that she's healthy and has gained weight!

Some Day ...

... I'll have more time.

It's so odd to me how all of my days sort of blur together. I guess that's what happens when you only get to sleep for 1-3 hours at a time. It's also amazing how my time flies by. I feel like I spend most of my day taking care of K and trying to find time for myself to eat, shower, and get a few things done that need to be done.

I can't wait until she's able to sleep through the night. Every time I have to wake up to feed her, I just focus on the fact that one day she'll sleep through the night. It's kind of like when I was pushing K out. It sucked but I just kept thinking about how with each push, I was one step closer to meeting her.

She's changing so much so fast. Her face is finally rounding out so not all of her features are squished on her face. She gets really grumpy when she's not being held and she loves to look around. Her neck muscles are also getting so strong. Everyday her neck gets stronger and stronger. She even helps to hold her head up while she's being burped. She's amazing.

Pulling Hair

K does this funny thing when no one's holding her. She will start to get frustrated and then will pull her hair. Upon pulling her hair, she'll cry because it hurts and as a response, she'll pull harder. She'll keep this going until we're able to stop her. She's such a silly girl.

I Don't Need No Sleep Tonight

This is K's theme song.

She has this funny habit of not sleeping at night but I think it may have to do with the formula. We're just starting to figure out how to give it to her so it doesn't make her tummy upset. I can't wait until my body finally decides to kick into milk mode.

Last night she had a great night though. I actually woke up feeling mostly rested!

Since I feel like I spend most of my day feeding K, I've been thinking a lot about breast milk. I realize that there's certain situations that prevent mothers from breastfeeding but if you can, I don't understand why you wouldn't do it.

I think the whole birth thing is truly miraculous. I can't even begin to describe how amazing it is that bodies can provide a living space for a fetus. And then bodies continue to do amazing things by providing the perfect food for babies. What a miracle! And so I think it's odd when women choose to not breastfeed when they have the time and are perfectly able to.

Isn't it about ... time?

What I learned yesterday is that no matter how fast I think we can be getting out of the house, we may never get out as soon as I might hope for.

We had to take K to the hospital again yesterday to get her bilirubin levels checked and I was hoping to be out of the house around 9 am. But by the time everyone was ready and fed, we didn't leave until almost noon. I didn't realize that by the time I was ready, she'd want to eat again and then by the time Mike was ready, it would be feeding time yet again.

We found out that K's jaundice is at a safe level now though so she doesn't have to lay on her bed anymore! So today after our nap, I held her and held her and it felt so good to finally be able to hold her without feeling guilty that she wasn't lying on her bili bed.

Last night around 1 am, she started screaming for a reason that we couldn't identify. Mike tried to console her but I wanted to hold her so we ended up cuddling close while I paced her room and she quickly stopped crying. I loved it. I think I loved that she stopped screaming more than anything.

But then around 3 this morning, she woke again for a feeding. I was a little worried yesterday afternoon because she usually is awake after her feedings in the afternoon but not yesterday and my worry was confirmed. After this 3 am feeding, she was wide awake. We ended staying up until almost 6 am.

So I've learned that I am truly on K's time schedule. I just barely remembered to eat lunch and I'm typing as fast as I can because she should wake up at any minute now. I can't wait until my time is a little bit more my time again. But wow, I love her.

The First Days

K is 4 days old! Crazy! I honestly don't remember hardly anything about Wednesday through Friday. It is all such a blur and didn't even seem real. In fact, on Friday when we got out of the hospital, we thought it was Wednesday. It felt like we hadn't already lived Wednesday. In my head, it felt more like the world just kind of stopped for us so we could have our baby and once we were out of the hospital, it could continue on.

Friday as soon as we got home, we had to call the pediatrician. We found out early Friday morning that K has jaundice and was in the top 95% risk for developing jaundice. She was at a very high risk and we needed to see the doctor as soon as possible since he didn't actually go to the hospital to see K. We had our appointment two hours after getting home and found out she looked good except she's losing lots of weight. Friday morning she weighed in at 6 lbs 11 oz, a 10-ounce drop, and at the doctor's, she had lost another ounce. K is now supplementing her feedings with formula which has been a sad thing for Mike and I, but not sad for K. She is finally getting enough to eat and will sleep longer than an hour without being hungry!

After the pediatrician's, the rest of the day just kind of passed without me really knowing what was going on. Kristin, Chad, and Izzy came over, as well as Christa and Camron. I don't remember much of what happened while they were here except for feeling bad that I had just woken up and feeling so much pain that I didn't know if I wanted to sit, stand, or lie down.

Our first night with K was miserable. She kept crying and no one had prepared us for handling a crying baby. We had no idea what to do other than try to feed her but she didn't want to eat. We called in the nurse a few times one hour because we were more miserable than K and didn't have a clue what to do. The nurse always found what was wrong with her and finally at 4 am, Mike was able to go to sleep while I held K for the next 2 hours as I drifted in and out of sleep.

We were worried that would be the same for our first night home with K. As we put her down on her bilirubin bed (to get rid of jaundice), I hoped and prayed that she would not be crying in 10 minutes. Amazingly enough, I ended up waking her up 3 hours later because she needed to eat. She ate, fell back asleep, and 3 hours later I had to wake her up again to eat. Since she has jaundice, it's recommended that she still eats every 3 hours. She was definitely hungry each time and was so content. I ended up getting up with her around 7 am and we started our second day at home together.

Yesterday, the second day but the first full day was good. She is such a peaceful baby and I finally have a good handle on her as to why she may be upset and the past couple days, I have usually caught her messy diaper before she even starts crying!

Last night, however, was a different story. It was the first night all over again but with different reasons as to why I was sad. I've heard stories of women who feel sad that they just can't quite produce enough colostrum for their babies but I never really understood it until last night. The doctor has asked me to only feed her for about 3-4 minutes on each side and then give her the bottle. It makes sense because after 3 or 4 minutes, there's not much left and K just has to work so hard to get anything. I'm really excited for milk to come in so she doesn't have to have that nasty formula anymore. It does weird things to her bowels and leaves granules in her mouth. I'm not a fan.

After crying and being able to sleep for an hour or so, I woke up to Mike standing next to the side of the bed with a screaming K. He was so sad and didn't know what to do to stop her from screaming and apparently she had been screaming for quite a while. I got up and fed her and she was a peaceful baby once more. She slept really well throughout the rest of the night and I ended up not actually getting up until 8:30 am. I got plenty of sleep, K got plenty of sleep, and we are both pretty happy right now.

However, I'm not looking forward to when she's sick and cries because she feels yucky or when she starts crying just to cry. We're lucky and haven't experienced it yet, but I'm sure it's just around the corner. As for now, we're just loving having her around.

And the best part of this whole weekend was yesterday morning when she first fully opened her eyes and looked around. I normally burp her in her room in this one spot and she will stare and stare at the picture in front of her as she's being burped. Yesterday she also started staring and Mike and I. She spent probably 10 minutes last night just looking at me as I talked to her. I love her eyes. They are absolutely beautiful!

P.S. Photos are on our actual blog. If you are not invited to our blog yet, let us know and we would love to add you!

Labor & Delivery & then some

Disclaimer: This is very long and is not gross in detail, but may be a little more than you wanted to know so read at your own risk.

Preface: At my most recent doctor appointments, the doctors reminded me that I shouldn't go to the hospital until my contractions are 4-6 minutes apart, about a minute in duration, and are so strong that I really have to breathe through them. They explained that I wouldn't be able to talk because I'd want to relax and breathe while they were happening.

Story: Tuesday morning, Mike and I sluggishly got ourselves out of bed and to the auto place. Our oil desperately needed to be changed and we were finally going to do it.

You know how women usually have a pretty strong nesting instinct before the baby's born? Well, Mike went through a strong urge to nest this past weekend. He fixed things around the house, made sure everything was in working order, and wanted to get some yard work done, as well as car work.

When we got to the auto shop, we found out that we wouldn't be able to get the oil changed and have our car back for at least 5 hours so we headed to Walmart and found Mike's old home teachee and he showed us exactly everything Mike would need to change the oil in the car. This was around 11 am and that's when I started noticing that my Braxton Hicks contractions were no longer Braxton Hicks, but instead were real contractions. I was having quite a bit of back pain and the contractions were so much stronger than usual that I felt very, very nauseated. I kept telling Mike I'd like to go soon but we ended up not leaving for quite a while ... that's what it felt like to me, at least.

I took Mike to work and went straight back home. Feeling sick and miserable, I laid on the couch the rest of the day as my contractions continued to get stronger. I didn't want to tell Mike too much of what was going on while he was at work because I wanted him to get as much work in as possible without being distracted.

I had a work meeting at 6 pm and was planning to go. I wanted to make sure I had all the info I'd need in order to make sure my mentors and families were up to date before I left for a few weeks. But on the way to Mike's work, my contractions were starting to get stronger and had just recently become a little closer together so I was able to get to his work and he ended up driving me to my work since they're so close. I stopped by to say hi, let them know I was actually in labor, and to make sure papers were there for my mentors that they needed to fill out before I return.

We headed home and Mike's dad was coming to help him with the yard and car. They ended up sitting on the computer in the living room much to my annoyance because I just wanted to lay on the couch and watch television but I didn't want to bother them and they were making it hard for me to concentrate. Okay, contractions were making it hard for me to concentrate. It may not have been as much them as I'd like to blame.

I timed my contractions and they were averaging about 5 minutes apart but I was still able to talk and do things through them so I didn't want to bother Mike with them and I definitely didn't want to go to the hospital any sooner than I thought was necessary. So I finished the laundry and packed my bag to go to the hospital. I figured we'd probably go first thing in the morning after I slept and I didn't want to forget anything.

Around 9 pm, Mike was done with the oil change and needed to go drop off the oil somewhere and Mike had promised me a shake so I went with him since I had been going a little stir crazy. Contractions in the car were really uncomfortable but I was glad to be out and about with him. We went to Auto Zone and then Iceberg. Mike ended up getting 2 burgers because they messed up on the first one and I had my shake so we went home and ate. I took a couple bites of the burger because I hadn't eaten much all day and had a few swallows of shake. A few hours later, my bowels began expediting all of the food I had eaten throughout the day and that was absolutely miserable.

I watched The Office and Mike helped me finish the laundry. We got all ready for bed and around 1:30 am, we were climbing into bed. I had a great relief of pain thanks to a blessing but after lying down for a few minutes, I told Mike that we needed to go to the hospital. At this point, I was timing my contractions to be about a minute long and 2-3 minutes apart. I was also talking through contractions. I had to focus on breathing but Mike kept asking me questions during the contractions so I answered them. I didn't want to and I would ask him to not talk to me during them, but I don't think he really knew they were happening until I told him they were.

So we got up and got ready to leave. Around 2 am, we headed out the door. We were a few minutes onto the freeway (we live right next to the on-ramp so we hadn't been gone too long, although to me it felt like we had been gone for quite a while) and I realized I didn't have my phone. I thought it through and realized I wanted it in case the hospital was going to keep us. I didn't want Mike to have to go home later and get it and I felt like I definitely needed it because I only know a couple of telephone numbers and I knew more people would want to know than that.

We turned around and on the way home, we discussed possibly just staying home. I was still talking during my contractions and we figured if my phone was important enough to go get, I probably was doing okay.

When we pulled up to the house, I started feeling a lot of pelvic pressure and was afraid my water was going to pop then. It hurt so bad that I told Mike to hurry and that we definitely needed to go to the hospital.

The drive to the hospital was really quiet. The turns hurt like crazy since I seemed to contract during most of them and I was really worried that we were going to the hospital too early and I really didn't want to be rejected. We slowly walked up to the hospital and when we entered, two nice security guards were there to greet us. They reminded us where to go and kept asking if I wanted a wheelchair or needed anything. I told them I'd like to walk and they're "okay" sounded more like, "okay, but if you don't need a wheelchair, maybe you're not really in labor."

Once up to the labor and delivery floor, they signed us in and put us into a triage room and left us. My contractions had become stronger and the pressure I was feeling was unbearable. I could no longer walk through contractions but I was still talking to Mike during them, although my talking had turned more to a whisper because that was all the energy I had for him.

We waited and waited and were told that five mothers had come in within 30 minutes of each other (I think I was included) and so they were trying to get everyone taken care of and a nurse would be with me soon. "Soon" ended up feeling like a few hours but I figured since I walked in, they probably thought I was doing okay.

The nurse finally came in and asked me the standard questions - how long and far apart are contractions, did my water break, and on a scale from 1-10, how much pain was I in. I figured I could be in worse pain so I said, "Oh, probably a 7, maybe an 8." She checked my dilation and said, "Oh wow. You're dilated 8 cm." I was contracting during that time so the most I got out was a "okay." She checked me one more time while not contracting and then I got rushed to a delivery room. Two nurses quickly got everything ready for me and kept reminding me to tell them if my bag of waters broke. More people came in and out and everyone told me that they couldn't believe I just walked into the hospital at 8 cm so calmly. I always just smiled and thought, "But I just didn't know when I should really come in." Mike and I were expecting me to be hyperventilating through contractions and I definitely wasn't doing that.

Around 3:30 am, Dr. Nielsen, the anesthesiologist came in. He told me quickly about everything that was going to happen with the epidural and the only thing I can really remember is that he told me, "...of course there are always risks like unusual numbness, etc but I'm sure you'll be fine." I was just thinking, "Okay, please give this epidural to me quickly. I really hurt."

As he was prepping me, he told me that I should look into teaching hypnobirthing classes because I was so calm. He, like everyone else, said he couldn't believe that I walked in at 8 cm. I laughed but was contracting and had nothing else to say to him. After two more contractions, a lot of uncomfortableness, and a lot of squeezing Mike's fingers, the epidural was in and my legs were feeling a little tingly.

Things started calming down from there. Dr. Ollerton (one of my OBGYNs) came in to see how I was doing and explained how it was going to all work since I tested positive for Group B Strep and wished me luck - he was off to deliver another baby. The epidural was working nicely. My legs felt a little numb but the pain of contractions had gone. In fact, I kept looking at the screen to make sure I was still contracting since I couldn't feel any of them. And I was definitely still contracting.

Mike settled into his bed and the nurse turned off the lights and let me rest. I was in and out of sleep until about 6 am. The nurse kept reminding me to tell her if my water broke and I finally asked if I would even be able to feel it. She said I probably would. At 7:15 am, Dr. Ollerton came back and popped the amniotic sac. Apparently a little bit of it was starting to hang out of me. And when he popped it, I definitely didn't feel anything.

At 7:18 am, I began pushing. My nurse, Moana (pronounced mow-ana) was great. Like all the other nurses, she was so nice and helpful. I honestly can say that I don't think I understood how to really push for an hour and a half. I was just wearing myself out and stressed because I wasn't seeing much results. After 2 hours, I was exhausted and was grateful that you only push during contractions, and even then, Moana was letting me rest through some of the contractions. And at this point, I finally understood how to push and was annoyed at myself for not being able to do this sooner.

At the point of crowning, Dr. Aagard came in. At 7:30 am, the doctors switched and I was okay with that. Luckily I enjoy all of the OBGYNs a lot. He sat down after everything was ready and said, "Okay, push." I pushed 3 times and the baby's head was just hanging out. Mike took pictures so I could see. Then the doctor said, "Okay, one more time." With a big push, I felt little K's body wriggle out and the next thing I knew, I was staring at her. I watched Mike cut the umbilical cord and since she had swallowed some meconium, she was taken a few steps away from me to get that taken care of.

The doctor rubbed my belly hard and pushed down and out came the placenta - the most disgusting thing I have ever seen. He held it up so I could see it and I thought I might puke. Oh, it was so gross. K got all cleaned, measured, weighed, etc while the doctor stitched me up. He told me all sorts of things and I don't have a clue what he was talking about - I was so focused on getting to hold Katie. Finally he was done and K was done and I got to hold her. She was so funny looking and had a huge cone head.

After trying to feed, Mike went down with K to the nursery to get all cleaned up while I stayed in the room and tried to eat some breakfast. It seemed like the nurse hadn't even been gone too long before she had me up and changing so I could go down to the mother-baby room where I'd spend the rest of my hospital stay. She gave me at least an hour to sit and eat but it definitely didn't feel long enough.

We got down to our room and I can honestly say I don't remember much of the rest of the day. We had family and friends over who stayed until about 3 pm and finally Mike and I were able to rest. I don't remember sleeping at all but I may have been able to sleep for just a little bit before I had to have my vitals taken again and before dinner came. More people came over and then the night began. It was probably the hardest night of my life. I ended up getting about one hour of sleep total. K cried and cried and cried and at one point, we just kept calling the nurse. We were so tired since we had come to the hospital in the middle of the night and were obviously not thinking as well as we would have liked to have been. Lucky for us, we have had amazing nurses and the nurse who helped us our first night was great. K ended up only sleeping because I held her and I was in and out of consciousness while she slept. Our second day and night went much better. We are starting to finally understand her and we now know that she loves attention. She was willing to cry last night for almost 45 minutes within an hour (not straight 45 minutes though) because she wanted to be held, not left in her tupperware crib.

I forgot to mention that K was born with a ton of black hair. She is now the talk of the 2nd floor. Apparently nurses just like talking about our family. The nurses finally stopped telling each other about how I came in to the hospital at 8 cm and acted like it was no big deal which I'm grateful for because I don't like attention. I think yesterday evening was the first time a nurse didn't talk to me about it. And now K gets all the attention. She gets stopped as she's wheeled down to the nursery apparently pretty often by others who want to look at her. One nurse told me that they wanted her down at the nursery because all the nurses wanted to hold her and look at her. I willingly let her go. And not one new nurse comes in who doesn't comment on her amazing hair and her cute face. But she really is pretty cute and just keeps getting cuter ... she just looked so funny right after birth.

Katie is almost 2 days old now and we feel so blessed to have her in our lives. She is so precious and we couldn't ask for anything better. We are so grateful that our Heavenly Father has entrusted us with her.

week 40 day 3

It's crazy how a simple thing like sitting has become so much more painful in just the last week. Driving in the car is one of the things I hate the most. Sitting in the passenger seat is okay because I can squirm and try to find a comfortable position that doesn't put too much pressure on my back but when I'm driving, it's absolutely miserable. Maybe I cause my own contractions by becoming stressed every time I have to drive since I know how much it will hurt, but contractions hurt a lot while driving. Actually, contractions hurt a lot while just sitting.

Contractions have also started making me feel pretty nauseated throughout the entire day this past week. I no longer just feel sick in the middle of the night - it can happen at any time now days.

I'm excited to get rid of this extra little weight in front. First of all, because that means that she'll actually be out here with us and second, because I'm only about 5 feet tall. Reaching things is already hard for me. But then I have this big belly and it only stops me from getting close to the counter to reach the upper cabinets or even just to reach the faucet. She's just always kind of in the way. I'm just so excited for her to be here and to have less weight on my belly.

week 40 day 2

Nope, no baby yet.

I was just using a little bit of cleaner in the bathroom and it reminded me of a few nights ago when we were with my sister-in-law, Christie. Cleaning products are okay for pregnant women to use, as long as it's in a well-ventilated area - so pregnant women should basically just avoid enclosed rooms and ovens. Anyway, Mike was explaining how inhaling too many fumes can be dangerous to fetuses (and anyone else) and Christie said, "Oh, I always cleaned when I was pregnant." We then all looked at her kids running wild around the house and she said, "Oh, well, maybe they're just a little loopy."

Ha. Her kids are actually great and I expect our kids to have just as much and possibly more energy than her kids. I'm excited to see what happens because there's a lot of people who think our kids may be pretty calm but if they are anything like Mike, we're going to have to keep a close eye on them or else we'll have little monkeys running wild!

week 40 day 1 part 2

I really love my new ward. They are so accepting and nice and I feel like everyone knows my name. I know about 5 people's names in the ward but I'm trying to get better. Anyway, I am pretty sure most of the ward knew my due date was yesterday and so when they saw us walk into church today (late ... but that's a story for another time) or when some people saw Mike get up during Sacrament meeting, many ladies told me later that they just felt so bad for me.

I spent the beginning of Relief Society and about 5 minutes after it ended talking to a bunch of ladies in the ward about how our due date has come and gone and they all wanted to tell me their stories of pregnancy. I'm glad they felt like bonding but I left RS discouraged and grumpy ... mostly because on fast Sundays I eat, but I don't gorge on food like I do all other days, so I was hungry. There was only one story I enjoyed hearing and that was the one where she was 6 days late with her delivery.

Yesterday at the neighborhood breakfast and at Costco, we saw many people from the ward and the look of disappointment was all over their faces. It was the same faces I saw today. Not only that, but it's hard when I stand up and everyone's just looking at me because they feel bad for me. To be honest, if anything, it has really helped me improve my attitude about all of this. It's taken a really long 2 days to come to this conclusion but like Mike and I always say, she'll come when it's time ... and I think I'm finally okay with that. Or maybe I'm just tired and will feel differently in the morning.

Nothing has really changed about me though. I'm still contracting, still waking up in the middle of the night feeling nauseated because of contractions, still exhausted, still going to the restroom every 30 minutes to an hour, still have a lot of pain, still growing, and still praying that she'll come soon.

I can't even remember what it feels like to not be pregnant. I realize that it wasn't even 9 months ago that I wasn't really pregnant but I don't remember what it feels like to not carry extra weight around. I can't remember what it feels like to not be tired or to be completely out of breath after walking up a hill. I can't even remember what it feels like to not have to have help getting off of a soft, cushiony couch. I don't remember what it feels like to not wake up 4 or 5 times during the middle of the night. I don't remember what it feels like to not have contractions that cause me to automatically breathe deep and rub my belly. And I can't even remember what it feels like to have gas pain as the only pain and movement inside my belly. Katie moving and pushing has become so regular that I'm a little afraid of what it will feel like when she's actually out here and not in the womb anymore.

We only have 8 more days until I Day, aka induction day. I'm planning on that being the day that she's coming. I'm really hoping for some day this week and maybe I just don't want to get my hopes up, but if I were you, I'd expect a post about a new baby sometime next week ... maybe on Wednesday when we get home from the hospital.

week 40 day 1

Hello week 40. And ouch. My poor back. No wonder it's been hurting a lot lately.

week 39 day 6

I dislike all those people out there who have later due dates than me and have already had their babies. I also despise facebook for telling me about them.

They say patience is a virtue, right? Well, sadly, that's just one virtue I no longer have.

But I just keep trying to tell myself, she'll come when she's ready. But seriously? I don't know how much longer I can take this. I know I'm not even to my due date yet but it's getting really hard to wait. I don't know how people do this ... this waiting game.

I felt like I was awake most of the night with nauseated feelings from contractions. Yet I woke up this morning and am I any closer to being in labor? Nope.

On a better note, Mike and I got some insecticide last night because our kitchen floor seems to be infested with earwigs every night. It seemed to help last night so hopefully we can get rid of some of the insects before Katie comes!

Oh, which reminds me, last night I opened up my wallet to pay for the insecticide and guess what was in my wallet! An earwig! So Mike knocked him off the wallet and now he's running free in Walmart.

week 39 day 5

After all the exercising yesterday, around 10 pm last night, I realized I hadn't felt Katie move much and started worrying. I was in bed but Mike suggested we go find some ice cream so I got up and the search was on. We drove around for about 15-20 minutes trying to decide where to go and finally ended up at Iceberg. It was a good choice. Within a half hour or so of eating the yummy chocolate chip shake, Katie was moving all over the place. About an hour and a half later, I crashed, called Mike from the bed (he was working in the living room), told him I was falling asleep, and didn't even stay awake for 2 minutes until he could get in the room to read with me. Mmm, I love shakes.

And obviously, no baby. I gave up yesterday evening when my shoulders felt completely dead. See, I had played Wii Fit and had played the game where you have to flap your arms and move your weight to move your Mii in a bird costume. I only played that game for a couple of minutes but my arms definitely feel it. I'm just glad I wasn't holding weights while playing.

See, we thought that maybe Katie was waiting to come for a certain reason. We had prayed that she would wait for us to be able to do one last thing, except for Tuesday night, we decided we were going to wait for her to come but we're still needing her to come within a certain time in order to make this very feasible for us. So now the question is, how do we convince her that we don't want her to wait anymore and that we want her to come sooner? Poor girl, she's not even born yet and we're already confusing her.

Speaking of confusing, we received 2 books from my sister-in-law. She said that they've really helped her with her kids. Her most recent baby was sleeping through the night at 8 or 9 weeks, maybe sooner I can't remember.

One basically says to make sure you attend to your baby but to not go rushing to her side every time she cries. Instead, know if she really needs something or if she's just crying herself to sleep. The other book seems to state that swaddling, shushing, swinging, and stopping your baby from crying is best. I'm glad she's coming into town tonight (and moving here to Utah!) because I have some serious questions for her.