Sunday, July 4, 2010

week 40 day 1 part 2

I really love my new ward. They are so accepting and nice and I feel like everyone knows my name. I know about 5 people's names in the ward but I'm trying to get better. Anyway, I am pretty sure most of the ward knew my due date was yesterday and so when they saw us walk into church today (late ... but that's a story for another time) or when some people saw Mike get up during Sacrament meeting, many ladies told me later that they just felt so bad for me.

I spent the beginning of Relief Society and about 5 minutes after it ended talking to a bunch of ladies in the ward about how our due date has come and gone and they all wanted to tell me their stories of pregnancy. I'm glad they felt like bonding but I left RS discouraged and grumpy ... mostly because on fast Sundays I eat, but I don't gorge on food like I do all other days, so I was hungry. There was only one story I enjoyed hearing and that was the one where she was 6 days late with her delivery.

Yesterday at the neighborhood breakfast and at Costco, we saw many people from the ward and the look of disappointment was all over their faces. It was the same faces I saw today. Not only that, but it's hard when I stand up and everyone's just looking at me because they feel bad for me. To be honest, if anything, it has really helped me improve my attitude about all of this. It's taken a really long 2 days to come to this conclusion but like Mike and I always say, she'll come when it's time ... and I think I'm finally okay with that. Or maybe I'm just tired and will feel differently in the morning.

Nothing has really changed about me though. I'm still contracting, still waking up in the middle of the night feeling nauseated because of contractions, still exhausted, still going to the restroom every 30 minutes to an hour, still have a lot of pain, still growing, and still praying that she'll come soon.

I can't even remember what it feels like to not be pregnant. I realize that it wasn't even 9 months ago that I wasn't really pregnant but I don't remember what it feels like to not carry extra weight around. I can't remember what it feels like to not be tired or to be completely out of breath after walking up a hill. I can't even remember what it feels like to not have to have help getting off of a soft, cushiony couch. I don't remember what it feels like to not wake up 4 or 5 times during the middle of the night. I don't remember what it feels like to not have contractions that cause me to automatically breathe deep and rub my belly. And I can't even remember what it feels like to have gas pain as the only pain and movement inside my belly. Katie moving and pushing has become so regular that I'm a little afraid of what it will feel like when she's actually out here and not in the womb anymore.

We only have 8 more days until I Day, aka induction day. I'm planning on that being the day that she's coming. I'm really hoping for some day this week and maybe I just don't want to get my hopes up, but if I were you, I'd expect a post about a new baby sometime next week ... maybe on Wednesday when we get home from the hospital.

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