Sunday, November 29, 2009

week 9 day 1

The cruise was great. For some reason, I didn't have hardly any nausea or too much fatigue. Well, when we were in the car, I slept quite a bit but I think the fact that our room was at the very bottom of the ship and the food was at almost the very top and we walked up and down the stairs almost every time to get to where we needed to go helped. In fact, Mike was much more sick than I was throughout the vacation.

The scary thing, however, is the fact that my symptoms did go away suddenly. It would make sense if I was at the week I thought I should be at ... 13 weeks ... but alas, we're only at 9. But next Tuesday we go back to the doctor to see how things are progressing which should mean that we get to hear the heart beat and then we get to tell all of you!

Monday, November 23, 2009

week 8 day 1

So we are in California and everything is going mostly well. I only felt sick today in the car for a bit and the rest of the day went well.

I feel quite a bit bigger today. I have quite the little pouch coming. My clothes no longer fit too well. I put on my shorts and I could barely get them on. It was depressing. My shirts are quite snug and I feel quite big. Hopefully it'll stop looking like I have eaten too much ice cream and it'll actually look like something soon her in the next couple months. I don't necessarily want all the weight yet, but I definitely look like my stomach is taking quite the hit from the holidays and food.

Friday, November 20, 2009

week 7 day 6

I just happened to have my camera back a week and a half ago from doing a photo shoot that morning so I just had to take a picture of this because I don't think I've had a scarier day in my life and I needed proof ... and a reminder. This was the little slip that I was to take to Orem in order to have my ultrasound done.

Dx (diagnosis): no fetal heart tones

But it's a week and a half later and we actually got to see the little fetal body pumping away and we feel so blessed. We even have 2 pictures of the little one. I'll have to scan them in and put them up one of these days.

I'm getting really nervous about our trip to California and cruise to Mexico. I was driving in the car today for about 10 minutes and felt really sick by the end of the trip. Well, tomorrow and Sunday I get to spend 6 hours in the car. I'm just not sure if my little stomach is going to do okay. I hope it will, but I'm nervous. I got some medicine to help with nausea so I'm really counting on it to help me through this next week!

Thursday, November 19, 2009

week 7 day 5

I didn't get out of bed until noon today. I was exhausted. I think it was club yesterday. It wore me out. So I watched 2 hours of ANTM and cried and laughed.

Then, for some reason, I had to go to Costco with Mike and Nate. The only thing I did there was hold onto my box of tootsie roll pops like someone was about to steal them from me. I really didn't need to be there.

After lunch, there was a knock on the door. Mike had ordered me flowers because we're celebrating 6 months on Monday. It's going to be a good, good day. But I cried. I was so amazed that he thought so many days in advance! This way I get to spend a full day with the flowers before we have to leave them behind.

And then I laid on the couch for 3 more hours. I was exhausted still. I watched Home Alone and cried.

Then I tried to work but ended up going to visit my friend, Christa. On my way home, I decided I needed to go steal my friend, Gina to go get Jamba Juice with me. It was good.

And now I'm home and I'm exhausted. And sick. And just want something good to eat ... but what? Last night Mike brought home Katsu chicken. It's never been such a dramatic time in my life. It smelled awful. I hid in the bedroom until he was done. I love Katsu chicken. It's definitely one of my favorite Asian/Hawaiian foods but the smell of it is too much right now. And that makes me sad. Mike ate out in the kitchen while I laid on the bed. We talked on our phones to each other so that it was like we were with each other but without the smell. It was a sad dinner.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

week 7 day 4

I got to spend some time with my dear friend, Kristin today. It was nice. It was a nice break from coworkers, kids at club, and the people I see almost everyday. But the best part was that Kristin and her husband, Chad, moved in to a house recently. Well, that's not the best part ... but they have so much space and so many rooms ... I can't wait to have that too. Well, I hope at some point Mike and I can have that. I'd love to have a room just for the baby.

The visit with Kristin reminded me of my horrible dreams I have every night. I have always been a pretty realistic dreamer. I dream about people I know and situations that could actually happen in real life. But not lately. I dream of shootings and of me doing something to kill the baby. It's very dramatic and scary. I am excited to not be pregnant anymore to end these crazy dreams. I don't know the people in them and someone always dies in them. Maybe I should stop reading the news.

I gained another pound which is a good thing. I haven't been eating well because of the whole food aversion thing. If I felt good about it, my diet would consist of crackers, bread, bagels, and potatoes. But I know that I should be eating well-balanced foods so sometimes I throw a cube of cream cheese into the mix with a side of orange juice. And of course, the prenatal pill. Thank goodness for that or I definitely wouldn't be getting the nutrients I need!

Monday, November 16, 2009

week 7 day 2

I can't wait until second trimester. First, I finally get to tell all of you what Mike and I know. Second, these horrible food aversions will hopefully go away. Last night I was really hungry but unfortunately at FHE, there was no pizza or cream cheese and crackers so all I ate was mashed potatoes ... the same thing I had had for lunch and the night before's dinner.

Right before bed, my stomach was tossing and turning and I knew I needed to eat. The only thing we had that sounded slightly appetizing was mashed potatoes but I was reeking of mashed potatoes and didn't want any more. So I settled for some Cinnamon Life cereal. It was okay, but nothing compared to a big, juicy cheese hamburger. Sweet Mikey wanted to go get me one but I refuse to just have him go get me any food I want any time of the day. Plus it's bad enough that I go to the grocery store every few days to stalk up on foods I think I'm going to want, only to find that I don't even want to look at them an hour later.

So bring on the second trimester. I'd love to eat anything and everything once again.

Sunday, November 15, 2009

week 7 day 1

First, you may be reading this and a few posts ago, I mentioned Mike and I would be telling everyone that we're pregnant. Well, since we are actually 4 weeks later than we thought we were, we get to keep this secret for about 4 more weeks. Besides that, this past week, we just found out that Mike's sister is pregnant with their third kid! She's due in May. Mike also has another sister due in March ... lucky girl. I wanted to have all our kids in March so we could just have one big birthday party every March for everyone. Little did we know a little one was on its way. Plus the middle of the summer might actually be a really fun birthday. I always thought it was sad when kids had birthdays during the summer because they're not in school but this could actually be a lot more fun. There's a lot more to do during the heat of the summer ... pool parties, sports, outdoor games, hikes, camping trips ... I'm kinda jealous.

I've been really moody the past couple of days. It's so miserable. If it's miserable for me, I can only imagine what Mike's going through right now. I consider myself a pretty calm person when it comes to marriage but not lately.

Friday, November 13, 2009

week 6 day 6

So I've read online that pregnant women can get a heightened sense of smell and because I thought I was farther along than I actually am, I was surprised that I really couldn't smell that well. Until yesterday and today. Every food has such a strong scent and when Mike or I eat too much of one food, I get really sick of the smell and don't even want to smell it anymore.

Today I took lunch into his work and could immediately smell chips when I walked into the office. When I got to Mike, I felt like he just reeked of chips even though I'm sure it wasn't bad at all.

I went to the grocery store today and that was basically torture. So many foods had such a strong scent that I just wanted to get out of there.

I can't wait until my nose goes back to hardly smelling things. I feel like I'll want to eat a lot more once it does!

Thursday, November 12, 2009

week 6 day 5

For some reason, I'm extremely nauseated today. I'm not sure why. The car made me even more sick which makes me worried about the cruise ... in 2 weeks we'll be back in San Diego and in 2 weeks from tomorrow, we'll be testing me to see whether roller coaster rides make me sick too. I'm really excited about it.

It's still so crazy to me that there's a little baby inside me. I just hope and pray that the little one will make it through the next 7 months!

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

week 6 day 3

So we went to the ob/gyn today and it was a lot more ... invasive than I was thinking the day was going to turn out to be. Not only did I get the regular checkups, but I also got to drink 32 oz. of water and hold it for about 2 1/2 hours.

At the regular checkup, my doctor couldn't hear a heart beat. My heart sunk. I was definitely pregnant but there was a possibility I could be carrying a baby that wasn't alive ... ?!

So I had to come back in about an hour to do an ultrasound. Well, I drank my 32 oz of water while eating out at Quizno's ... mmm ... and got back to the doctor's office. The ultrasound technician never arrived. About an hour after she was supposed to be there, the receptionist finally got a hold of the technician's husband. He said that she had left home in time to arrive on time to work. That's bad news. So this girl and I got appointments to go up to Orem's radiology center right then so we could keep holding our bladders.

Once we get up to the other hospital, it was a long 30-minute wait to get the ultrasound done. Finally it was our turn, we walked in, she pressed on my bladder quite hard with the little thing, and informed me we were doing a vaginal ultrasound. Seriously?!

So I finally got to release my bladder and spent the next 5 minutes worried and on the verge of tears because I didn't even want to be there and I definitely didn't want to hear that our baby had already died.

She started again and there it was. It was the little baby and its little heart beating so fast. It must've been beating at 300 bpm because it was beating quickly! And then I cried. After 4 hours of stress and worry, we got to see the little one! The best part, we have pictures to prove it! The bad news, I thought I was 10 weeks along, but really it's only 6 weeks and 3 days. But our baby has the possibility of being a 4th of July baby and that's fun. Fireworks every year for your birthday!

So the little baby is .64 cm and is just beating away. It's relieving that I have another extra month to prepare for this ... not so great that we'll be on a cruise during the height of my nausea.

Monday, November 9, 2009

Day 71

I have a lot to say about pregnancy today.

First, let's talk about my women's health class that I took my last semester of college (January - April 2009). I learned all about women's health, diseases/problems, pregnancy, and menopause. I decided that I did not want neither pregnancy nor menopause and that I would gladly take menopause over pregnancy if I had to choose.

And now I get to enjoy pregnancy. For the past 3+ weeks, I've had a whole lot of bloating and gas. I really wish it would go away really soon. It's awful.

Back in March when I was learning about pregnancy, the only good thing that seemed my body would have going on is cravings but the past couple of weeks, I have realized that they are just as complex as the rest of my body. Lately I have been going to the grocery store to fulfill my cravings that I strongly believe will last longer than a day so I stalk up. However, as soon as I eat the food I'm craving, I am already on to a different craving. It's crazy. Today I was craving french fries and pizza with a whole lot of cheese. Well, I've eaten it and now I feel gross and sick. Why?!

I also get this lovely afternoon sickness that begins around 11 am almost everyday. The cure: food. Yesterday during church, I felt extremely sick around 11. I went home, ate a little rice and sour cream (it's a great combo), went back to church and didn't have any more problems until the evening hit.

The evening's a tricky thing. By the evening, I am exhausted, I have usually put some pretty abnormal foods (lots of vegetables and foods I'm craving) into my body, and I'm not feeling great. However, some evenings are great and some are absolutely miserable. I think it's all about how much food I've eaten that day.

Overeating is something I've struggled with since the 4th week of pregnancy, or actually the 2nd week of being pregnant. I remember that week well because it was the week where my stomach was a black hole. John, Danielle, Mike, and I had gone to the Olive Garden and I ate a ton of food. I had a few breadsticks, 4 plates of salad, all of my entree, 2 pieces of flat bread, and had drunk a few glasses of water. Normally I can eat 1 breadstick, 1 plate of salad maybe, part of my entree, and occassionally 1 glass of water. And that's how that whole week had been. For some reason, between birthdays and lack of time, I had eaten out a lot that week and it was the same eating every time ... as if I hadn't eaten all day.

And now I constantly feel hungry but if I eat more than a small plateful of food, I am guaranteed to feel awfully sick. Fun stuff.

And finally tomorrow is the big day! My first prenatal doctor's appointment. I could not be more excited which is ironic because I try to stay away from doctors as much as possible. I dread even the thought of making an appointment, but for this, I'm excited.

I'm hoping for a little heart beat and good news ... along with the bad. The bad meaning the upcoming changes, the multiple doctor appointments during the next year, and complications that could arise. Boo.

Sunday, November 8, 2009

Day 70

Wow. Finally. Two more days until I can go to the doctor's. I don't think I've ever been so excited to go to the doctor's before in my life!

I'm a fan of because believe it or not, I do like to save money where I can. A bunch of toys have gone on sale at Target, Toys 'R Us, and other places and I thought this would be a great time to buy some toys for the upcoming mini. However, as I was looking through some of the toys for sale, I quickly realized that I can't buy anything because I don't know the sex of the baby. I have to either choose princess stuff or big bad stuff for boys.

I also am a little freaked out that I am going to have this whole weird factory going on inside of me. I mean, it's nothing I can't handle yet, but soon I will not only be taking care of my own waste, but I will be taking care of the little one's waste too. Ew, weird. And because of that, am I really ready to be a parent?

Saturday, November 7, 2009

Day 69

Today I went to some boutique with my mother-in-law and sister-in-law. All of the proceeds were going to charity. I restricted myself in buying too much because I'd like to get a house sometime in the future, however, now I really regret it because giving to others is so much more important than giving to myself.

When we first walked in, there was lots of little kid stuff. Adorable. Little baby bibs, blankets, jackets, and booties. I wanted to buy it all but I restrained because no one knows yet so me buying lots of things would probably look a little suspicious. So I bought these little baby shoes/booties that could be for a boy or girl and I love them. I wore them on my finger for awhile while listening to Mike explain the television show he watched while I was away.

I'm excited to start getting lots for the little one. I love little things.

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Day 67

Today was an emotional day for me. I have no reason to feel sad. In fact, I'm very, very excited to tell you all next week that Mike and I are going to have a little one around next year.

Next week is my first doctor's appointment ... one of many in the upcoming year. And what stinks is the fact that I do not like going to the doctor's. I have no reason to not like it. Usually it's a good thing when the doctor doesn't find anything wrong with you, or does find something wrong but it's something that is easily fixed.

But I don't like it.

And I don't like today. I still have the lingering worry of, what if the baby is not there next week?

And I keep crying. Not like Monday's crying (continual crying because I was scared and nervous) but actual, hardcore crying for no reason.

I read Nie Nie Dialogues today ... I haven't read it for a while so I caught up on my reading. It made me sad to think that this could happen to anyone - that anyone's life at any time could be turned upside down. And it made me sad that some days she's sad.

I also read another friend's blog about her family and their new baby. I cried. I don't know why. Excited? Nervous? Not sure. I just cried.

I ate lunch today and nearly puked it back up. That made me almost cry. I felt like crap and was so hungry and so sick ... and that was depressing.

America's Next Top Model and Top Chef were on last night (as well as Modern Family, love that show) and I still needed to download them but they weren't up yet (as of 3 this afternoon). Almost cried out of frustration. Held it in. And complained to myself instead.

My brother-in-law is a mentor in Spanish Fork and I went down there today to visit some families and to pass out some flyers. We were supposed to carpool down but he realized he had to go to Springville first so maybe we shouldn't carpool. I had to go to Springville too but only for about 5 minutes. Almost cried then too. Not sure why. It was just close.

I got home from taking Mike to school and work and the apartment was clean. I chewed Mike out last night about leaving his ... everythings ... everywhere and that I just couldn't take it. I looked around today and his things were neatly put away. I cried. I have a great husband.

Then I wrote this post about my "rough" day and cried again. Something's wrong. Extra hormones, please leave. I would like to go back to my normal "chill" attitude 26 days of the month sometime really soon.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Day 66

Today I realized that I could not be pregnant and that's a scary thing. What if I'm just making up all of these symptoms and proving that the placebo effect is very real? What if I'm just making my nausea, pain, and weight gain come true? Scary.

I also realized that we could lose the baby (given that we actually have one) at any moment. Terrifying.

My biggest worry these past 2 days is that I would be able to give our new baby a safe home for the next 7 months. Right after we found out we're pregnant, I ran and jumped on the bed and landed really hard on my stomach. The first thing I thought was, "Oh no. I just ruined the little one."

And what if I can't eat healthy enough for the little baby? I haven't been hungry lately because of the excessive bloating I've been experiencing for the past month or so (it's good to know why) and at the same time, I've cut a ton of calories out of my diet because I need to eat healthier. What if I never gain my appetite back? What if I am not able to finish a plate of pasta ever again? What if I never have the same desire for cheese after this is all over. That would be a disaster.

But with each day that passes (aka, 3) I get more and more excited. The big mystery, however, is boy or girl? I'm guessing a girl.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Day 64

Yesterday, Mike and I found out that we are going to have a little one coming our way on June 8, 2010. It was a bit of a surprise but I've had a suspicion for quite a few weeks that we might be expecting.

This blog will be dedicated to the baby, Mike, and me and our feelings, worries, and new life.

We'll start it on day 64 (week 9, day 2) ...

I'm going to say that the best part about being pregnant is how frequently you have to go to the restroom. I mean, I go right before a meeting and half way through I'm already dying to go again. I'm quite used to this though because I've always had to go quite a bit but not this much. I can no longer make it through the whole night without getting up either. I wake up, try to pretend that I don't actually have to go, dream about going, and finally wake up to face the spiders and demons that lurk in our apartment on the way to the bathroom.

Day 63 was a pretty crazy day ...

I woke up and decided to take another pregnancy test. It had been about 3 weeks since the last time I took one so I figured I should try again. This one would bring my total to 5 pregnancy tests ... 4 of which had said negative but I knew it was lying. There was no reason for me to gain 5 pounds in one week, have complete 360 turn around mood swings, and to feel bloated most of the day. My visits to the restroom also increased quite a bit and my fatigue was incredible. One day, all I had to do was get up off the couch to drive 15 minutes away to turn in my time card to get paid ... it took me 2 hours to finally get myself up and by the time I arrived, I was too late to get paid. Bummer.

So the plan was to surprise Mikey with a positive test one evening when he would arrive home from school or work but the positive pregnancy test yesterday morning surprised me a lot more than I had expected. When I saw the positive lines, I said, "hmm, that's weird" and told Mike I'd show him later what I thought was weird. I lasted about 3 seconds until I had to show him how interesting I found it because I expected another negative.

Immediately following Mike's words of, "We're pregnant!" I burst into tears. You see, Mike and I have always had this great plan of waiting a couple of years to have a kid and the multiple negative pregnancy tests had led me to believe that we would be able to buy a house and then have kids ... looks like another one of my great plans failed. Although I do find it slightly humorous that God always lets me think that I can plan out my own life ...

I have been reading a lot these past couple of months about pregnancy because I knew it was coming. As much as I was prepared for the worry of being a new mother, I didn't realize it would hit as hard as it did yesterday. Although I still have 7 1/2 more months to prepare myself, it's still a scary realization. Mike and I always talk about different ideas we have to raise our children; I just didn't know I was going to be using them as soon as we will.

But all in all, I'm really excited. I think this will be a huge blessing to us and I'm excited to see what this little one is going to look like ... half Asian, half white. I am still hoping for black hair and blue eyes but I'm guessing it's just another one of those wishful thinking things.