Thursday, November 5, 2009

Day 67

Today was an emotional day for me. I have no reason to feel sad. In fact, I'm very, very excited to tell you all next week that Mike and I are going to have a little one around next year.

Next week is my first doctor's appointment ... one of many in the upcoming year. And what stinks is the fact that I do not like going to the doctor's. I have no reason to not like it. Usually it's a good thing when the doctor doesn't find anything wrong with you, or does find something wrong but it's something that is easily fixed.

But I don't like it.

And I don't like today. I still have the lingering worry of, what if the baby is not there next week?

And I keep crying. Not like Monday's crying (continual crying because I was scared and nervous) but actual, hardcore crying for no reason.

I read Nie Nie Dialogues today ... I haven't read it for a while so I caught up on my reading. It made me sad to think that this could happen to anyone - that anyone's life at any time could be turned upside down. And it made me sad that some days she's sad.

I also read another friend's blog about her family and their new baby. I cried. I don't know why. Excited? Nervous? Not sure. I just cried.

I ate lunch today and nearly puked it back up. That made me almost cry. I felt like crap and was so hungry and so sick ... and that was depressing.

America's Next Top Model and Top Chef were on last night (as well as Modern Family, love that show) and I still needed to download them but they weren't up yet (as of 3 this afternoon). Almost cried out of frustration. Held it in. And complained to myself instead.

My brother-in-law is a mentor in Spanish Fork and I went down there today to visit some families and to pass out some flyers. We were supposed to carpool down but he realized he had to go to Springville first so maybe we shouldn't carpool. I had to go to Springville too but only for about 5 minutes. Almost cried then too. Not sure why. It was just close.

I got home from taking Mike to school and work and the apartment was clean. I chewed Mike out last night about leaving his ... everythings ... everywhere and that I just couldn't take it. I looked around today and his things were neatly put away. I cried. I have a great husband.

Then I wrote this post about my "rough" day and cried again. Something's wrong. Extra hormones, please leave. I would like to go back to my normal "chill" attitude 26 days of the month sometime really soon.

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