Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Day 66

Today I realized that I could not be pregnant and that's a scary thing. What if I'm just making up all of these symptoms and proving that the placebo effect is very real? What if I'm just making my nausea, pain, and weight gain come true? Scary.

I also realized that we could lose the baby (given that we actually have one) at any moment. Terrifying.

My biggest worry these past 2 days is that I would be able to give our new baby a safe home for the next 7 months. Right after we found out we're pregnant, I ran and jumped on the bed and landed really hard on my stomach. The first thing I thought was, "Oh no. I just ruined the little one."

And what if I can't eat healthy enough for the little baby? I haven't been hungry lately because of the excessive bloating I've been experiencing for the past month or so (it's good to know why) and at the same time, I've cut a ton of calories out of my diet because I need to eat healthier. What if I never gain my appetite back? What if I am not able to finish a plate of pasta ever again? What if I never have the same desire for cheese after this is all over. That would be a disaster.

But with each day that passes (aka, 3) I get more and more excited. The big mystery, however, is boy or girl? I'm guessing a girl.

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