Day 67

Today was an emotional day for me. I have no reason to feel sad. In fact, I'm very, very excited to tell you all next week that Mike and I are going to have a little one around next year.

Next week is my first doctor's appointment ... one of many in the upcoming year. And what stinks is the fact that I do not like going to the doctor's. I have no reason to not like it. Usually it's a good thing when the doctor doesn't find anything wrong with you, or does find something wrong but it's something that is easily fixed.

But I don't like it.

And I don't like today. I still have the lingering worry of, what if the baby is not there next week?

And I keep crying. Not like Monday's crying (continual crying because I was scared and nervous) but actual, hardcore crying for no reason.

I read Nie Nie Dialogues today ... I haven't read it for a while so I caught up on my reading. It made me sad to think that this could happen to anyone - that anyone's life at any time could be turned upside down. And it made me sad that some days she's sad.

I also read another friend's blog about her family and their new baby. I cried. I don't know why. Excited? Nervous? Not sure. I just cried.

I ate lunch today and nearly puked it back up. That made me almost cry. I felt like crap and was so hungry and so sick ... and that was depressing.

America's Next Top Model and Top Chef were on last night (as well as Modern Family, love that show) and I still needed to download them but they weren't up yet (as of 3 this afternoon). Almost cried out of frustration. Held it in. And complained to myself instead.

My brother-in-law is a mentor in Spanish Fork and I went down there today to visit some families and to pass out some flyers. We were supposed to carpool down but he realized he had to go to Springville first so maybe we shouldn't carpool. I had to go to Springville too but only for about 5 minutes. Almost cried then too. Not sure why. It was just close.

I got home from taking Mike to school and work and the apartment was clean. I chewed Mike out last night about leaving his ... everythings ... everywhere and that I just couldn't take it. I looked around today and his things were neatly put away. I cried. I have a great husband.

Then I wrote this post about my "rough" day and cried again. Something's wrong. Extra hormones, please leave. I would like to go back to my normal "chill" attitude 26 days of the month sometime really soon.

Day 64

Yesterday, Mike and I found out that we are going to have a little one coming our way on June 8, 2010. It was a bit of a surprise but I've had a suspicion for quite a few weeks that we might be expecting.

This blog will be dedicated to the baby, Mike, and me and our feelings, worries, and new life.

We'll start it on day 64 (week 9, day 2) ...

I'm going to say that the best part about being pregnant is how frequently you have to go to the restroom. I mean, I go right before a meeting and half way through I'm already dying to go again. I'm quite used to this though because I've always had to go quite a bit but not this much. I can no longer make it through the whole night without getting up either. I wake up, try to pretend that I don't actually have to go, dream about going, and finally wake up to face the spiders and demons that lurk in our apartment on the way to the bathroom.

Day 63 was a pretty crazy day ...

I woke up and decided to take another pregnancy test. It had been about 3 weeks since the last time I took one so I figured I should try again. This one would bring my total to 5 pregnancy tests ... 4 of which had said negative but I knew it was lying. There was no reason for me to gain 5 pounds in one week, have complete 360 turn around mood swings, and to feel bloated most of the day. My visits to the restroom also increased quite a bit and my fatigue was incredible. One day, all I had to do was get up off the couch to drive 15 minutes away to turn in my time card to get paid ... it took me 2 hours to finally get myself up and by the time I arrived, I was too late to get paid. Bummer.

So the plan was to surprise Mikey with a positive test one evening when he would arrive home from school or work but the positive pregnancy test yesterday morning surprised me a lot more than I had expected. When I saw the positive lines, I said, "hmm, that's weird" and told Mike I'd show him later what I thought was weird. I lasted about 3 seconds until I had to show him how interesting I found it because I expected another negative.

Immediately following Mike's words of, "We're pregnant!" I burst into tears. You see, Mike and I have always had this great plan of waiting a couple of years to have a kid and the multiple negative pregnancy tests had led me to believe that we would be able to buy a house and then have kids ... looks like another one of my great plans failed. Although I do find it slightly humorous that God always lets me think that I can plan out my own life ...

I have been reading a lot these past couple of months about pregnancy because I knew it was coming. As much as I was prepared for the worry of being a new mother, I didn't realize it would hit as hard as it did yesterday. Although I still have 7 1/2 more months to prepare myself, it's still a scary realization. Mike and I always talk about different ideas we have to raise our children; I just didn't know I was going to be using them as soon as we will.

But all in all, I'm really excited. I think this will be a huge blessing to us and I'm excited to see what this little one is going to look like ... half Asian, half white. I am still hoping for black hair and blue eyes but I'm guessing it's just another one of those wishful thinking things.