week 38 day 5

The baby feels pretty low today and has been very fond of pushing down and stretching. It's pretty uncomfortable now that he's so big.

K got moved to a real toddler bed today, thanks to Mike's sister and her family. Also thanks to K's cousin, K got a little trike thing which is perfect because we were over at a friend's this morning and she loved playing on all of their bikes and tricycles. And now she has one of her very own!

She loves her "new" bed. While it was sitting in the kitchen today before being moved to her room, she flung herself onto it, sat on top and said "big bed!" It's not any bigger than her crib-to-toddler bed, but she loves it nonetheless. She "ooo" and "ahhh"s at it every chance she gets.

K accidentally ran into my belly tonight and said, "Oh, baby. Hi." and patted my stomach. Then she leaned in and gave it a kiss. It was so cute.

Today I've had quite a bit of pain. My hips and back hurt and that great sciatic nerve has been driving me crazy today. I wish I could still wear that back support brace thing but I can't wear it while I have contractions because it gets too tight and I have a hard time breathing.

K is pretty accident prone and it's quite funny. The past couple of days, she's completely fallen and it's hilarious. For example, she sent to climb onto her bed tonight but somehow ended up falling backwards towards the floor. Mike caught her and Mike and I laughed. I thought for sure she'd cry but she found it just as funny. She giggled and giggled ... I love her giggle. It's so funny.

week 38 day 4

I must drive Mike crazy sometimes because as changes draw closer, I become a bit crazy and obsessed.

"Mike, this is our last Christmas with just the two of us."
"Mike, this is the last time we'll ever get to enjoy our birthdays without kids."
"Mike, this is our last vacation with no kids to worry about."
And once K arrived ...
"Mike, this is our last Easter with only one child."
"Mike, this could be our last Fast Sunday with only one child."
"Mike, this is our last April 21 with only one child."
"Mike, this is our last April 22 with only one child."

And it goes on and on and on. Poor Mikey. But I only speak the truth.

This week I've set it especially aside for just Mike and I. I'm looking forward to spending some good quality time with just Mike and K and this weekend is all about Mike and I. Because it's our last April weekend with only one child!

It's crazy how inevitable all this is. If I could stop time or reverse, I would. As much as I don't like all that comes with pregnancy, I'm not really ready to have another baby. I stared at this couple with a baby who couldn't have been more than a month old at Costco today. And the poor parents looked exhausted. I remember that like it was yesterday. Ugh. Miserable.

Our 38-week appointment was today. No change (3 cm & 80% effaced) but I wasn't expecting any change. Because I've been sick, I don't think my weight even changed. I've been forcing myself to eat the last few days because I know my body needs it, I just don't feel like eating. Oh, well actually, the baby's head is down so he's ready to come out whenever, I guess. That was different.

I wish I didn't have such anxiety over change. I'm sure it'll be fine ... I've been noticing the hundreds and hundreds of people who have more than one child and they all seem to be doing just fine. So I guess I will too. It's just ... yikes. Two kids. And change.

week 37 day 6

Despite waking up sick, I have a very productive day, well, up until about 2 pm. Mike went to a work meeting all morning and it was somewhat nice to have the house to myself and to not have another distraction for K to get involved in when she's supposed to be doing other things. K and I had a dance/singing party, we colored, we read, and we ate lunch. Well, actually, neither of us really ate. Her tummy wasn't feeling well and I am just sick and don't feel like eating. But I was also able to get lots of laundry done today so I feel very successful.

This afternoon, some of K's stuffed animals, K, and I were sitting in her room, playing with blocks. We happened to be sitting in a circle so K got up and started playing Duck Duck Goose. It was pretty intense. One round probably even lasted a minute with her walking around the circle, tapping everyone's head, saying "duck." Mike ended up joining us a little later and it became much more fun and eventful. Mike just seems to have a way to bring out the craziness in K.

So I have conflicts in my head all the time. Sometimes they're serious matters and sometimes they're pretty menial. Most recently, however, it's been about infertility versus pregnancy.

I don't know what infertility is like other than stories I've read and people I've talked to about it. It seems miserable and there's not a day that goes past that I don't thank Heavenly Father for such the great blessing of being able to be pregnant. I wish there was something I could do to help those I know who are struggling with infertility but unless I can somehow make them fertile, I know I can't do much. But as much as my heart constantly breaks for them, sometimes I feel upset at blog posts I read. I understand they're frustrated, upset, sad, and a lot more feelings that I don't think I'll ever understand that go along with infertility but sometimes these posts really hurt my feelings (remember, I'm pregnant with emotions all over the place).

A few days ago, I read a post about how people who can't get pregnant are so annoyed at those who are pregnant because pregnant people always complain. Obviously, I'm very guilty of this one. It's embarrassing to go back and read my posts because the complaining never stops. But honestly, that's just how I feel. Infertility sucks, I know it does, but pregnancy isn't necessarily a breeze. I realize that anyone who has struggled with infertility would give anything to be pregnant and would probably enjoy every ounce of it, but the truth is that I just don't.

Like I said, I'm very grateful to be able to be pregnant and carry our children but at the same time, the countdown to the due date for me, is not only a countdown to when our baby will finally join us, but also a countdown to get rid of some of this pain. I know there are a lot of pregnant women out there who have basically no pain and love pregnancy and others who have it much worse than I do with being put on bed rest, shots, and frequent doctor and/or hospital visits and I'm lucky to not be one. But like I said in my last post, I'm really looking forward to being "normal" again.

I can't wait to be able to play with K again without being out of breath and lying on the ground, trying to get my back to stop hurting. I'm excited to stand up and not be out of breath and red in the face from all the work it took me. I'm excited to be able to shave my legs without back pain. I'm excited to be able to wear any shoes I want without swelling and pain. I'm excited to just be me again.

So I'm really sorry to those of you who are struggling with infertility. For those of you I know, you're always in my prayers. But also remember, the complaints aren't to remind you of how you're not pregnant but because this is just how pregnancy is for some of us. We don't mean to be mean or sound ungrateful ... it's just what comes along with pregnancy sometimes.

week 37 day 5

We're nearing the end of pregnancy here and wow, it's intense!

I'm excited to remember what it feels like to not be pregnant. I mean, I don't even remember what it's like to be able to roll over in bed without waking up. And I wake up because I can't move well and my shirt gets twisted and stuck between the sheets which is obnoxious. Plus without fail, I wake up around midnight (if I've been in bed for at least an hour), 2-3 am, and 5-6 am to use the bathroom. I guess it's nice though that I don't even have to put on my glasses to see what time it is - I already know! I am also looking forward to being able to put on clothes that fit me well and to go shopping for myself without thinking, "Can I really fit into this when I'm not pregnant?" And I don't even remember what it feels like to be able to sit down or stand up without pain.

We had our 37 week appointment yesterday. Bev, my favorite nurse (and the only one I normally see), asked me how my contractions were doing . I said that they were getting stronger and more uncomfortable and she replied, "Well, I guess we'll see if anything's happening down there today." She's so sweet but in my pregnant, frustrated head, I thought, "if something's not going on down there, I'm going to be really upset that I'm going through all this pain for nothing."

But my body didn't let me down. We have moved up to 3 centimeters dilated and still 80% effaced. It's good progress. I'm a little worried each day because my stress level has been so high that I'm afraid I'm going to put myself into labor but if I do, at least the baby is full-term. Plus really, I don't have an actual job so it's not like I'll miss out on meetings or special events if I have the baby early. The only thing that I'll miss is my Friday meetings with Mikey to discuss Must Have Giveaways which we have almost daily anyway.

Today, I've decided that looking at clothes for girls is just so much more fun than for boys. I mean, what in the world am I supposed to put him in on Sundays if I can't dress him up in cute dresses and bows? I know, pants and a shirt. Boring. Although it must be nice to be a boy going to church because a shirt, tie, and slacks are all that's required ... there are few options. Trying to get K ready for church on Sundays is the longest process:
"Do you want to wear this dress?"
"No."
"This dress?"
"Yes. No."
"No?"
"No."
"How about this dress?"
"Mmm, no."
And it continues on and on like this through her fifty million dresses ... or her 10-15 dresses.

week 37 day 2

We had our week 36 appointment last Monday. Dilated 1 cm and 80% effaced ... just like last pregnancy. If it's the exact same as last pregnancy, we'll hear on Monday that there's no change. We'll have to see!

It's crazy that we're already at 37 weeks. It's gone by way too fast. The baby seems to move quite a bit and my body is feeling it.

week 36 day 3

It was slightly scary today when the wonderful nursery ladies asked me today when I was due.  It wasn't so bad when I said I was due in April, but when they asked exact time in May, it was scary to say less than a month away is my due date.

The baby moves a ton.  It's interesting to me that both K and this baby mainly only push on my right side.  Maybe that's normal.  But it's weird to me.

We're not really prepared for this baby to come at all.  To be honest, it's just the last thing on my list of things to do.  I should probably make sure he has somewhere to sleep and stuff, but I think having K really keeps my mind off of being worried about preparing for another baby.  Plus all the work stuff between Mike and I is stressful so the last thing I want to do is stress or worry about something else.

We went shopping yesterday for little boy clothes and it really wasn't as fun as little girl clothes.  Plus I just don't feel like I can dress him the same - like it was hard to not choose the girl-ier clothes .  But I guess I'll get used to it. :)

week 35 day 6

I can't sleep because I've got a little one pushing down as hard as he can. And then every now and then, he'll throw in a few kicks to my ribs, if he can reach them. The pain is indescribable. To be honest, I'd take contractions over this any day. It's the most uncomfortable feeling and really feels like he's about to come out. Luckily, I know he's not.

But if he does make his appearance on April 29 like I've been thinking, then goodness, we don't have many days left!