Friday, June 1, 2012

full-time mom

It's just been one of those days ... you know the type. Where nothing really goes wrong but to you, everything is wrong. And that's how I feel today.

I don't feel like I slept last night. I can't remember what time I went to bed but it was before Mike. Lately he's usually up after me anyway. But I woke up at 1:45 am (funny how I can't remember when I went to bed but I remember seeing the clock at 1:45) to feed little Lando. I woke up again around 5:30 am. I don't know if it was the articles I read about what it's like to be in a polygamist family or the articles about the one guy who ate a homeless man's face and the articles about the guy who ate some person's brain and heart that caused me not to sleep well or what, but I woke up feeling dead.

The day went on - K woke up saying "mama," we ate breakfast, K had a play group, I made lunch for K, K and L both took naps, I made lunch and ate it, I showered, we ran a couple of errands, I did some light cleaning, I read with K, I made dinner, K and I ate dinner, K took a bath, and K went to bed. And every three hours I fed L. See? Not a bad day, right?

Unfortunately I spent most of the day feeling sorry for myself and the last few hours, have kept back as many tears as possible. This is what my day is now. Any free time I have from the kids goes to making food, cleaning, and a quick shower. If I'm lucky, I can do my hair before a kiddo is crying again. My only "fun time" to surf the web is when I'm feeding L or when they're both asleep and I should be sleeping too.

And I'm so jealous of Mike. He works 20 hours a week and has the rest of the week to do whatever floats his boat. Today? All film stuff. He played with his new audio toy, he did research on whatever film stuff he was looking at, he got together with a friend and made part of a movie ... I made him food and kept him company on his errand.

See? Doesn't his life sound so much more relaxing than mine? Jealous.

And with that, I'm going to bed before I have to wake up for another feeding.

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