Wednesday, July 27, 2011

the question is: when?

As we draw nearer to being pregnant with our second child, but not actually pregnant yet, the big question on my mind is, When?  And another good one probably is, How (... not that 'how,' sickos)?  Because some days with K are just too much.  I can't even imagine having a 2-year old and a newborn.  Will K have the capabilities to help herself for parts of the day as I tend to a newborn?  I would hope so by age 2.  The other 2-year olds I've seen seem capable of doing a bunch of things on their own but wow, I just don't know.  It's overwhelming.

And when?  Do I really want a 21-month old and a newborn?  Or do I want a 3-year old and a newborn?  Or can we even get pregnant again?  I don't even know!  Do I even have a choice?  Should we have a house instead of living in a basement?   Should we wait until Katie has outgrown her baby stuff like car seat, crib, etc?  And so many more questions that I don't really even want to think about right now.

It's also what's been on my mind all day today.  I don't think I'm worried about the cost, the space, the time it takes to take care of a new baby - I think I'm just worried about whether I can handle this or not.  So far I've decided that I probably can handle it because millions of people have done it before me - if they can do it, I probably can too.

But I can imagine that walks, getting ready in the morning, getting out of the house, and everything will be much more difficult.  And not to even mention sleeping - K and the new one will have to share a room.  K doesn't sleep well - will the baby?  Will either of them sleep?  When will I get to sleep again without being awakened in the middle of the night?  (I've heard that for most parents, it's not for a long, long time.)

Despite all the worries I have, I am really excited to become a mother of two.  I have no doubts that it will be tough, but I'm sure it will be worth it.  This is definitely what I was supposed to do in life so bring. it. on.

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